Mood Rings
by cassie.hack
Summary: Shepard gets her female crew members mood rings, Miranda is not amused... Inspired by "Mood Rings" by Relient K.


_A/N: Inspired by the song "Mood Rings" by Relient K. _

_The song's not mine, it's Relient K's, the idea's not mine, it's SuperGravyMan (thanks again and sorry for the long wait), the characters aren't mine, they're Bioware's... hm, now that I think about it, only the arrangement of the words is mine... :)_

_To the story: I kept the colors mentioned in the song and added an explanation for any new color. So go and enjoy the song so you're ready (since we're not allowed to post lyrics as far as I remember)... :)  
_

* * *

**Mood Rings**

"And you're sure this will work?"

Shepard eyed the salarian shopkeeper skeptically. She leaned on the counter next to a small box holding an assemblage of rings. Accompanied by the automatic greeting (probably triggered by her movement) informing every visitor about Commander Shepard's approval of this shop, her finger ran over one of the clear rings in the box.

The salarian nodded eagerly. "Absolutely. Newest technology. Asari-salarian cooperation, works for every species. Turian, volus, hanar, elcor..." He paused, taking a deep breath as he contemplated his words. "Never sold it to elcor before. Elcor speech makes ring unnecessary. Don't have fingers either... hm, could try necklace..."

Shepard cleared her throat, trying to drag the salarian's attention back to his customer. The salarian's eyes lit up.

"Human, perfect specimen! Very complex creatures, able to conceal emotions, very hard to read sometimes."

The commander snorted. "Tell me about it."

"Rings should make task easier," the salarian went on, pointing at the box. "Emotions become visible. Different colors for different emotions."

Shepard's finger stopped and she shrugged. "They look pretty plain to me..."

The salarian shook his head, clicking his tongue in disapproval. "Rings must be worn. Change color as soon as they touch skin. Light fabric like gloves not necessary to take off before..."

The commander contemplated the ring she'd taken out of the box and placed it on her ring finger, testingly shaking her hand. "It's still clear," she stated, shrugging her shoulders.

"Interesting... Absolute absence of emotion..." The salarian rubbed his chin in thought. "Try thinking of something pleasant..."

Shepard shrugged again and narrowed her eyes as they both stared at the ring, his color never changing. The salarian pursed his lips and held out his hand, putting the ring on as soon as Shepard had handed it to him. Immediately, the ring gleamed in a yellow tone.

"Seems to work," he stated, putting the ring back into the box.

Shepard's eyebrow rose. "What does yellow mean?"

The salarian shrugged indifferently as he answered matter-of-factly, "Anticipation. Caused by possible profit."

Giving a short laugh, Shepard nodded. "At least you're honest..." She turned back to the rings in the box. "What else are they capable of?"

"Have heard of marriages as a result. Chances definitely improved..."

A snort made him pause and he watched Shepard straighten up. "I'm not trying to marry anyone of my crew, but thanks... I just can't deal with all those cat fights anymore. We're close to finishing our mission and they should start focusing on all the remaining tasks instead of who stole whose nail polish," she grumbled, activating her omni-tool.

The salarian tilted his head to the side in confusion but Shepard just shook her head. "Never mind." She sighed and transferred the credits. "As long as it works..."

Grabbing the box, she turned towards the exit, smiling as her own voice rang out once again, making a few passersby pause and inspect 'Commander Shepard's favorite store on the Citadel' – some of them silently wondering if that hadn't already been the souvenir shop they'd passed on a lower floor...

The salarian hastily followed her, shoving a datapad into her free hand. "Might need manual," he explained, nodding towards the box. "Many colors, many feelings... Might be complicated for human mind to comprehend."

"Gee, thanks... That's not insulting at all."

"Simply stating the facts."

. . .

_**[Black: Very dangerous! Caution required. Suggest not talking to individual until ring takes on slightly lighter color... Green more preferable. Simple sign of stress, no risk of physical harm for bystanders.]**_

* * *

"A ring?" Miranda's eyebrow rose. She shut down her terminal and leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she eyed Shepard suspiciously. "Is this some kind of proposal, Commander?"

Shepard's eyes widened. "What? No!" She gave a short laugh and waved her hand dismissively. "Of course not! God, why would I want to marry y-"

Miranda's eyes narrowed, forcing Shepard to swallow.

"Not that I _wouldn't_ consider marrying you..." the commander hastily added. "I mean, should I ever consider marrying anyone on this ship, you would _definitely_ be the first person on that list," she offered, shooting her XO an apologetic smile.

Miranda's expression didn't change.

"Could you..." Shepard swallowed once more, pointing at the ring still lying on the desk in front of Miranda. "Could you just put it on? Please?"

"And why would I do that?" Miranda challenged, pushing her chair a few feet backwards and crossing her legs.

Shepard sighed. _And I hoped it wouldn't have to come to this... Hell, even Jack was easier to convince once I promised her we'd blow up another Cerberus facility..._ Her eyes settled on her stoic XO and she crossed her arms as well. "Because I'm your CO and..." A smile tugged at her lips, "I might be tempted to tell the Illusive Man that you're trying to undermine my mission and I can't have you onboard my ship anymore..."

Miranda's eyes narrowed even more. "You wouldn't dare!"

Shepard shrugged her shoulders and turned to the door behind her. She sighed theatrically and shook her head. "It's been a pleasure working with you, Ms. Lawson, but I think-"

"Wait!"

Shepard paused, her hand hovering over the door lock.

"Fine, I'll wear your bloody ring! There... See?"

Clearing her throat and pursing her lips to hide her grin, Shepard slowly turned back around and bit her lower lip, trying to stifle a chuckle as she saw Miranda's panicked expression while her XO pointed at the ring now on one of her fingers.

"Happy now?"

_Unlike you..._ Shepard mused as she saw the ring starting to gleam in a bright green. She nodded, feigning seriousness. "I appreciate your cooperation, Ms. Lawson. And it will be my pleasure to continue our working-" The ring's color darkened until it had reached a deep black... "I should go!"

* * *

_**[Red: Aggression. Unpredictable. Possible outburst likely...]**_

* * *

"It's so pretty!" Kelly turned her hand from side to side, contemplating the pink ring on her finger, a dreamy smile on her face. Jack's head momentarily rose from her plate, the hand with her new – clear – ring putting the fork it was holding down on her tray.

"If you don't mind, I'd just like to eat in pea-"

"It's like we're all in a clique now and our secret sign are those rings." Kelly tapped a finger on her chin as if deep in thought. "I wonder how Shepard knew exactly which ring to give to which one of us... They all suit us..." She giggled. "How did she know that pink is my favorite color? And Miranda's black ring matches her hair perfectly. And yours-" Kelly's eyes widened as she pointed at Jack's hand. "Oh, look, it changed colors! It's red now. How pretty!"

Jack's plate slammed against the Mess Hall's kitchen, missing Kelly's head only by a few inches.

"How hard can it be to just SHUT UP for five minutes?" the ex-convict yelled as she stormed into the elevator, leaving a confused Kelly sitting at the empty table behind. "'Go and mingle', she said. 'I'm sure you'll make some new friends in no time', she said. 'Spending all your time in your dark hideout is bad for your mood', she said..." Jack went on until the elevator doors closed behind her and swallowed the rest of her rant.

"Well, someone's grumpy today," the yeoman murmured as she ran a finger over her – still pink – ring and shrugged.

Behind her, hidden in the shadow of a wall, Miranda tapped a few notes into her omni-tool before she turned back around and entered her office, frowning.

* * *

_**[Orange: Simple hormonal overproduction. Very rare for salarians, as species has little sex drive. More common for humans or krogan...]**_

* * *

"Kasumi, are you sure this dress is necessary for your mission?"

The thief swallowed. "Yes, absolutely!" She started fidgeting with her hood absent-mindedly, trying to make sure her face was hidden as she let her eyes wander over the sight in front of her. "Crucial even!"

"If you say so..." Shepard's eyes fell on the ring on Kasumi's hand, gleaming in a bright orange now. She gave a short laugh and smilingly nodded to herself, an idea already forming in her head...

* * *

"Commander. What can I-"

[Orange]

Miranda's eyes widened, but her gleaming ring quickly brought her back to reality and, remembering her research on those rings so far, she hastily pulled her hand away and hid it under the table. Clearing her throat, she propped her chin in the palm of her free hand. "Yes?"

The commander grinned and nodded, more to herself. "Just wanted to tell you that I'm off with Kasumi now. You're in charge, so try not to break anything-"

[Black]

"I should go."

* * *

"All right, guys. I'm off."

[Orange] [Orange] [Orange]

Shepard smiled to herself as she entered the airlock. Her walk through the Normandy had pretty much had the same effect on everyone. And while the female crew members had rings to indicate their emotions, the male crew members' eyes had been indication enough – Jacob had almost dropped the gun he'd just been cleaning as she'd leaned close to his weapon bench, that poor guy... Shepard was thankful for that. Buying mood rings for the entire crew might have overshot even _her_ – or, well, Cerberus' – budget... Nevertheless, she enjoyed the Normandy's new atmospheric lightning, already musing if she'd be able to get it red and green for Christmas...

. . .

"You wanted to talk to me..." Shepard paused in the doorframe and shot a nervous glance at the ring on Miranda's hand but sighed in relief when she noticed its clear color. She approached her XO's desk and sat down on the chair in front of it, adding, "Listen, if this is about the dress before..."

Miranda forced a smile as she nervously ran a hand through her hair. "I don't know what you're talking about..." She lowered her eyes and hastily hid the once more gleaming, orange ring under the table, groaning inwardly. This was getting annoying...

"That's not the reason I've called you here," she stated, trying to drag Shepard's attention away from the ring.

She cleared her throat and shot another shy glance at her hand under the table and, after a couple of seconds, gave a sigh of relief as she placed her hand with the – now clear again – ring back on the table, clasping her hands.

"I did a little research on your 'presents', Commander," she announced, the ring turning a light shade of grey – but not black yet, as Shepard told herself. There was still hope...

"Oh?" Maybe it would help to act surprised and flatter her intelligence...

Miranda leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms in front of her chest, a questioning eyebrow raised. "Mood rings, Commander? You bought us mood rings?"

"How'd you...?"

"Your credit account is technically still Cerberus', Commander. It wasn't hard to access..." A smile tugged at her lips. She just couldn't resist... "Oh, and just so you know: you've paid about double the price those rings would have cost you on Illium..."

"Damn it, I knew that was a _very_ deep shade of yellow... That weasel!"

Miranda's eyebrow rose momentarily but she decided not to bother... Instead she cleared her throat, gaining Shepard's attention once more. "While I understand your need to keep your crew's mood in check, since there are a couple of people on this ship with _very_ little self-control..." Her eyes narrowed. "Namely Jack... I would still like to mention that I am the last person on this ship to need a bloody mood ring. I am in perfect control of my emotions, Commander, which renders this ring useless. Although I appreciate the thought of you not wanting to exclude me from the crew's activities..."

A smile tugged at Shepard's lips as she shook her head. "There are no exceptions. You'll all wear those rings until I tell you otherwise." She leaned forward. "Do you honestly think I spent two hours memorizing every word in that manual just for fun?"

"What manu-" Miranda sighed, running a hand through her hair. "All right, fine. Then why aren't _you_ wearing one of them? You're a woman, you have your mood swings just like everyone else on this ship." She challengingly crossed her arms in front of her chest once more. "I'm sure it would make it a lot easier for the rest of us to approach you if we knew about your moods..."

Shepard waved her hand dismissively. "Eh, I've already tried it, they don't seem to work on me." She shrugged. "According to them, I'm a very emotionless individual..."

Miranda's brow furrowed in thought. "That doesn't make sense. I've read your psych profile, I've rebuilt you and I've worked alongside you for a couple of months now, so, with all due respect, let me just say that you are far from an emotionless individual, Commander... How do you know they don't work on you?"

"The salarian told me to think of something pleasant, which I did, and the ring stayed clear..."

"What did you think of?"

A dreamy sigh followed. "Killing people..."

Miranda snorted. "That's hardly any proof, Commander..." A smile spread across her face as an idea started forming in her head and she took the ring off her finger and offered it to the woman across from her. "Would you mind?"

"Sure, if you don't believe me..." Shepard shrugged and put the ring on her finger, presenting Miranda its clear color. "See?" She waved her hand in front of Miranda's face. "Nothing."

Her XO seemed unimpressed as she leaned back in her chair. "Let's see..." She tapped a finger at her chin in feigned thought as she let her eyes wander over the woman in front of her, satisfied as she saw her swallow once under her gaze. _Time for test number one..._

"Have you tried thinking about your family?"

[Clear]

"The squad you lost on Akuze?"

[Clear]

"The moment you became the first human Spectre?"

[Clear]

Miranda nodded in feigned seriousness. _Almost there..._

"Food?" she offered sweetly.

[Light Green]

_Got you..._

Shepard cleared her throat. "Excuse me?"

"Did I say that out loud?" Miranda smiled mischievously.

"I..." Shepard gave a nervous laugh, running a hand through her hair. "Why would I think about food?"

[Green]

Shepard looked down at herself before her eyes shot back up and narrowed. "Are you saying I'm fat?"

Miranda shrugged in feigned indifference. "I wouldn't call it fat... Let's just say I remember some of your body's curves to be a bit less... shall we say... curvy, when we rebuilt you..." A devilish smile spread across her face as she watched the ring on Shepard's finger take on a slightly darker green. _Just what I thought... No woman is immune to that... On to color number two..._

She shrugged her shoulders once more. "You've been dead for two years, it's only natural to have a... healthy appetite..."

[Black]

"I'll have you know that I feel perfectly fine in my body and any 'curves' you may see – if there even are any, which I highly doubt, may I add – are simply due to the fabric of your unfavorable uniforms, thank you _very_ much!"

Miranda slightly tilted her head, an eyebrow raised as she slowly let her eyes wander over Shepard's body, pointedly stopping at one of those mentioned curves at the side of Shepard's waistline. The commander followed her line of sight and quickly shot up from the chair, placing her hands on both of her hips protectively.

[Red]

"Unfavorable uniform," she hissed, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

Miranda nodded and got up from her chair, circling her desk. It was time for the last test... To be honest, she hadn't expected it to be over so quickly... A shame, really, she'd just started enjoying it...

"I understand, Commander. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable..." she soothed. "But since we're already talking openly..." She approached Shepard slowly. "Have you ever thought about wearing a jumpsuit, Commander?"

Shepard's eyebrow rose, the red in her ring slightly loosing its intensity. "Why?"

Miranda smiled. "It may have never occured to you before, but this special garment _does_ have its advantages," she went on. "And Cerberus invested greatly in its perfection. Have you ever seen me getting hurt during our missions?" Shepard shook her head slowly. Satisfied, Miranda nodded. "I am fully aware of the crew's opinion on my garment's practicability in battle, but contrary to, say, _your_ momentary uniform, this jumpsuit's layer is highly enhanced, thus protecting _and_ modelling my body." She winked. "No more unfavorable curv-" [Dark Red] "Crinkles," she corrected herself hastily. After another step forward, she took Shepard's hand. "And the fabric itself is a miracle... Its softness alone..." Her voice trailed off as she guided Shepard's hand over her clothed side. "Do you feel it, Commander? Do you feel the soft texture under your fingertips?" she whispered, still smiling devilishly.

[Orange]

"Okay, that's enough!" Shepard freed her hand and jumped back, pulling the ring off her hand and tossing it away.

Miranda's eyebrow rose in feigned surprise and Shepard threw her hands up.

"All right, fine. You can all take your rings off..." Shepard sighed and ran a shaking hand through her hair as she turned to the door.

"Or you could simply join us and wear-"

"Never!"

Miranda was still grinning as she walked back to her chair. She'd gotten her payback...

As she'd reached her desk, she turned back around, remembering something else...

"Commander? There's one more thing..." Shepard paused in front of the door and turned her head back to Miranda. Her XO tapped a few commands into her terminal. "It says here that you've bought seven rings. Jack, Kelly, Kasumi, Tali, Samara and I are only six... who received the seventh ring? Assuming you didn't buy it for yourself – and judging by your previous outburst, I highly doubt that..."

A smile spread across Shepard's face as she shrugged her shoulders innocently before she left Miranda's office without another word, chuckling softly.

. . .

Far away, hidden in the storms of Hagalaz' atmosphere, Liara's brows furrowed in confusion as she opened the package Feron had just handed her. Inside was a simple, clear ring with a note from Shepard saying, _Please make sure to wear it for my next visit!_

Liara held the ring closer to her eyes as she inspected it, but she couldn't detect any marks that indicated any type of surveillance device inside the ring. And after a scan with her omni-tool, it was confirmed that the note was Shepard's and not someone else's...

So, just like Shepard had asked her to, Liara put the ring on her finger and watched it immediately take on her own blue skin tone. She contemplated the ring on her finger for a while but when nothing more happened, she finally shrugged and turned back to her terminal, continuing her work, unimpressed.

"It must be a human thing..."


End file.
